JOY PARADE No.53
Miss Piggy's Highly Flammable Blouses! Dancing the Tango with Angela Lansbury! "KEEP YOUR PANTS ON AND YOUR TEETH IN!"
Pssst! If you are reading this via an email, the JOY PARADE might be a smidge too long for you to see all of it. If so, just click the title and it’ll take you to where you can read the whole thing with your eyeballs online!
OH HELLO!
RAIN UPDATE: We’ve had one (1) drop of rain and that was snatched, mid-air, by a dry-throated bumblebee so my pelargoniums are still gasping….
Well, here we are in August! How that has happened is really beyond me.
Now all you SUMMER IS BEST people don’t cancel me, but I always think of August as an Aperitif to Autumn (which could also be the title of a Barbara Pym) . We still have the heat and the sunshine (and, of course, you can get sultry, summery Septembers) but with the days getting fractionally shorter and everything looking a bit oven baked and yellow, there’s a mellowness to it all that you don’t get in the J months.
Also, once we pass the 15th I am always champing at the bit like a hog wanting to root out new things - mainly a pair of shoes and new pens and one of those complicated 1990s pencil case that were all hidden buttons and secret compartments. Not too long to wait!
I had a VERY exciting day this week. You know (because I keep wanging on about it) that I have a new novel out in September called ALEX T SMITH presents J.ALGERNON PICKLE in THE MYSTERY AT ODD DOINGS HOUSE and I went to my publisher’s gargantuan warehouse to sign copies ready for release in a month’s time. (You can pre-ordered a SIGNED copy here!)
God, it was thrilling!
I’ve never been in a building so huge! Shelf upon shelf crammed with books and then even more books whizzing around on what I can only describe as a Book Rollercoaster. I wanted to have a ride on this but lovely (patient) Stuart the warehouse person in charge of me and marketing manager, Tim, for the day had such a panicked look in his eye when I casually mooted the idea that I decided not to pursue the plan much further…
I signed and I signed and I signed and then I got to be nosy and look at other top secret books that were there and then I went home via Burford garden centre where I bought a selection of Notions and Trifles and also some bulbs ready for the spring. A THOROUGHLY terrific day!
Now, what else has been going on…?
I was in a shop the other day smelling scented candles - you know that’s one of my hobbies, and I sniffed one that was so violently offensive that my head snapped back and I cricked my neck.
I’m not going to tell my chiropractor that that’s what happened. I’ll tell her I did my neck in doing something v.manly like playing football (!) or doing a Wolf Run or slide-tackling an escaped bull.
Actually, as I was listening to a song from the GYPSY soundtrack with my headphones at the time so we might have Some Trouble convincing her…
Two older teenage girls talking:
GIRL 1: Are you going to see The Odyssey?
Girl 2: Nah… It’s about ten hours long and I just CAN’T sit through all that.
[Thoughtful silence]
Girl 2: I’ll probably watch it on Netflix so I can just fast forward to the big horse bits.
Is there ANYTHING better than a portly, stubborn dog? I saw a French bulldog called Clive (!) this week who was absolutely NOT going to move until HE had decided that HE’D had enough of intensely watching a complete stranger eat a Cornetto.
Twice in the last fortnight I’ve serendipitously timed my promenades in the park with what I’m calling the Muslim Ladies Evening Bicycle Club.
They are a group of about eight, all in their 50s and 60s, and because they are riding silent electric Lime Bikes they appear, dresses and scarves fluttering, by surprise through a gap in some trees like a flock of bright and cheerful birds. Wonderfully uplifting!
You’ll have seen in my sketchbook page above that one evening this week I saw a squirrel framed beautifully by some branches. I was on my evening walk when my attention was grabbed by a quiet rustling nearby then when I looked the squirrel appeared and got himself comfortable in a perfectly posed position and began tucking into something he had found that was obviously delicious.
I watched him for a while and then went on my way - not wanting to intrude too long on his dinner.
Later in the week, I had to pause in the car at some temporary traffic lights on a rural road that was flanked by high hedges on both sides. As the car idled, a fully grown Bambi-style deer suddenly stuck her head through the leaves level with my window. She looked about bit and then, having changed her mind about crossing the road, disappeared back into the foliage.
Isn’t it extraordinary that little things like that are happening all the time and we only ever get to peek at them occasionally?
Woman on the train the other evening to her friend: “Oh you DO know the book I mean! It’s that famous one? Swedish! You know it -
[THINKS]
[SNAPS HER FINGERS TRIUMPANTLY]
“The Girl who Tattoos Dragons!”
The other evening I was in the supermarket standing alone in an aisle dithering in front of the shelves of hot sauce bottles. Suddenly, I was aware of a man striding towards me. As he approached he said: “Are you alright?”
Slightly perplexed because this man didn’t work there and I didn’t know him, but touched by his concern for my Hot Sauce Quandary, I said: “Er… yes, I’m just looking at these and deciding thanks…”
He stood beside me looking at the shelves helpfully and then gently rubbed the top of my arm reassuringly.
This was odd.
When I looked at him, he looked at me and then a look of SHEER PANIC crossed his face.
“OH MY GOD! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY HUSBAND!”he cried, “I’M SO SORRY!” then he dashed off saying “Bloody new glasses!” and then shouting, “PHIL?”. He turned the corner then and disappeared although I caught further calls of “PHIL?!” growing more distant (yet more panicked) as he headed towards the bakery.
I hope he found Phil eventually…
My HERO OF THE WEEK is a woman I saw in the park the other evening.
She was topknot to toenail in expensive designer running Lycra. She was also carrying a Stanley cup that was about the same dimensions as a large toddler and she also had a cinema style, family sized grab bag of Peanut M&Ms tucked under her arm..
After I’d whizzed by her twice on my brisk-ish walk (she had not moved quicker than a gentle amble the entire time I was there) I got close enough again to hear her talking on her phone:
“Yeah, I’ll be back soon, love. Just finishing my run- one more lap…”
Then she disconnected the call, sat on a bench, sighed contentedly and got herself elbow deep into the M&Ms.
The word ICONIC is used a bit too much nowadays, however I think here is it wholly correct.
RIGHT, that’s enough of that. We MUST start our JOY PARADE. I’ve managed to book Jimothy to be the Carnival Queen (Gold Lamé cape, Cheryl Cole Fight For This Love music video military-style hat) so we’d better get going…
1. We start, as is tradition, with our BEHOLDING! and EXCLAIMING! and this week we are swivelling the old eyeballs onto the theme of TREES.
Firstly, look at the light hitting this tree!
Pretty spectac!
And then look at the sunset between these two trees! Doesn’t it look like the sun is tiptoeing out the door for the night and leaving us to be cherished by the moon for a few hours?
Now, you tell me what business Weeping Willows have being this stunning?
Long tresses of leaves looking like Cher’s hair in her 1970s Bob Mackie era! DELIGHTFUL!
2. JOAN RIVERS!
MISS PIGGY!
FRILLY PINK HIGHLY FLAMMABLE BLOUSES!
GLASSES ON A CHAIN!
(Apparently Joan and Frank Oz - Miss Piggy- were merry on gin when they filmed this!)
3. I bought these two books this week from an Oxfam bookshop and I’m v pleased with them.
Now let’s admire the covers!
Firstly, CHINA COURT. That deep blue with the green! And the offset printing! And that typography! Such a glorious jaunty font! The single window glowing! Really terrific!
The book tells the story of the inhabitants over five generations who live in China Court - a house in Cornwall. Rather thrillingly our beloved Manderley Press have reissued the book with another v. beautiful cover by Emily Maude.
Avail. here.
The other book got my eyebrows waggling the moment I saw it on the shelves. Anything that has the possible air of being about vicarages AND the first half of the 20th C is absolutely DELIGHTFUL to me, so I think this is going to be good. (Years ago, I asked my friend M if he thought I’d enjoy Game of Thrones. His instant answer was “Absolutely not because at no point does anyone wear a hat and drink Sherry with a vicar.” Needless to say I didn’t bother tuning in…)
Now, BEYOND THE VICARAGE! Such a striking colour! I like the lively line work and how the colours have been used together . It’s also a first edition so that pleased me immensely.
The book is the third instalment of Noel S’s fictionalised autobiog telling us about her/ “Victoria Strangeways” (the character she has invented to play herself in the book) life during WW2. It promises to regale us about the Blitz, the goings on at her Women’s Voluntary Aid group and how she was persuaded to write a children’s book about life in the theatre and ballet, so as you can imagine - I’m absolutely ravenous to gulp it all down.
I’ll report back!
4. I enjoy the INCEPTION style concept of this birthday cake birthday cake candle. Too pretty to burn though!
Avail. here!
5. Every so often I remember that Hobby Horse Dressage is an actual sport and I am absolutely FLOORED by it…
I’m going to see if that woman in the park with the M&Ms wants to start a Hobby Horse Dressage club with me. Feel like she’d be fully on board with it…
6. I am TERRIFICALLY keen on these butter socks! Picture how wonderful they’d look when worn with a sandal.
Available here!
7. I called into St. Edward’s church in Stow-on-the-Wold the other day.
Terrif stained glass W’s as always, but my main mission was that I wanted to just spend a couple of mins eyeing up their needlepoint kneelers. Always worth investigating if you are in the area.
COR!
8. Have I told you that over the past few years I’ve instigated (bullied) my family into a new tradition? When it’s anyone’s birthday and we do the cake business I absolutely insist upon the birthday person wearing the Birthday Crown. It’s a gold fabric crown by either Mimi&Lula or MeriMeri (can’t remember) (and is in need of a bit of repair actually). In between birthdays it’s stored in a special hat box in what I very grandly call my Hostess Cupboard (full of cocktail umbrellas, Babycham, candles, spare candle sticks, napkins, napkin rings and enough vintage tablecloths to furnish a Lyons Corner House.)
Anyway, thinking about crowns made me remember these glorious ones by Hadley Paper Goods. (OFFICIALLY they are actually birthday cards by they are also V. Wearable!)
Personally, this is my fav:
Available here!
9. God, I miss Paul O’Grady/ Lily Savage!
I remember watching this clip when it happened live on tv. I was having the day off school due to me having been struck down that morning with a pretend illness, and I laughed myself almost sick at it.
10. Three women reading with cottage loaf hairstyles - what more could you ask for?
Isn’t this lovely? I like that stripped blouse and the straw hats. Also, the dappled light on the grass is particularly swoonsome!
12. I’ve shared work from ARTHOUSE Unlimited before. It’s a charity supporting adults with learning and physical disabilities helping to empower them through art. The work is superb - bright, innovative, beguiling and always totally joyful. You can buy all sorts of products featuring the work produced by their artists (including original pieces) but I spotted this washbag this week and it made me actually laugh out loud.
WONDERFUL!
(Imagine having to remove it from your suitcase at the airport security!)
Avail. here!
13. This week was the 45th anniversary of Charles and Diana’s wedding. As you know this is of particular interest to me as I have a bulging cupboard FULL of Charles and Diana commemorative crockery that I find deeply cheering.
Over on Instagram, Mark McGuinness wrote a mini recap of the day and it’s superb but this is my fav bit:
“…in jeans and the Spencer Tiara” - so good!
Read the full thing HERE.
Also, you know it must have been a VERY important day for Princess M to be up AND DRESSED at 9am.
Here is here usual routine which I find aspirational:
14. Sometimes what you actually just NEED is a drunk Angela Lansbury Tango dancing in Death on the Nile to really put some pep back in your step.
(PLUS: bonus Maggie S and Bette D!)
15. ❤️
(Found via the fantastic Jo Thompson!)
FINALLY…
We always finish with a song and this one is thrillingly insane. From 1977, here is Helena Vrtichová performing Diridonda.
So much to take in here and not one bit of it will you be expecting.
THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR:
The unexplained milkmaids.
The Deirdre Barlow cosplay.
The Acorn Antiques style wobbling set.
The haunted gnomes.
(Also, treat yourself to this version if, for nothing else, the court shoes and when the camera pans to the audience…)
Thank you for reading this week’s JOY PARADE.
I hope you have a lovely Sunday. What are you all up to? If you are reading this on Sunday then today is my birthday! Hurrah!
I shall be doing all manner of Birthday-ish things not just today but all week. The festivities started last night with an hour of complete zen-like bliss floating in a floatation tank at a spa - GLORIOUS! I’m also taking the entire week off to do FUN THINGS and to GO PLACES. I hope whatever you are doing today is also very fun. Even if it isn’t your birthday do try to have a cake at some point. Pop a sparkler in it - because why not?
I’ll be back next Sunday with JOY PARADE No.54 (but it will be a very mini one due to me being on me hols!) In the meantime, if you’ve enjoyed this JOY PARADE I would simply adore it if you were to prod the heart button ❤️ below and do please follow me on Instagram (I’m mralextsmith over there) and also subscribe to and share this newsletter to all your chums.
Thank you so much!
In Tearing Haste,
HEAD PIGEON.
Ah thank you Alex! I’ve worn hydrangeas as hats before, but never as ears and I think it should be tried.
I have a birthday crown here which I gently encourage (force) any visiting birthday person to wear (I find it so strange that some people are reluctant to wear a crown- it’s a CROWN?!) It’s properly bejewelled and heavy: a friend bought it for me, and he bought himself a matching tiara (natch), and occasionally we both wear them for no reason apart from the fact that it feels brilliant to wear a crown. It generally lives on a bust of David who looks out of the sitting room window.
Happy birthday!! 🎂
Happy, happy birthday, you lovely, cheerful, cheering man! 🥳 Joy Parade is a highlight of the week, always.