JOY PARADE No.45
A Fashionable Parrot! Tupperware Fascinators! Mrs Slocombe Goes Country!
Pssst! If you are reading this via an email, the JOY PARADE might be a smidge too long for you to see all of it. If so, just click the title and it’ll take you to where you can read the whole thing with your eyeballs online!
OH HELLO!
What did I tell you? I said last week, didn’t I? I said - you watch, now that I’ve been in raptures over the balmy weather it’ll start raining and we’ll all have trench foot, AND HERE WE ARE. Feet like wet flannels.
As I write this it’s pouring outside. Big, round summer raindrops are Morse-coding the window panes and the garden is luxuriating in it like someone in a shampoo advert. Geraniums flicking their flowers around like they are being doused in Pantene Pro-V.
I hope you’ve all had a good week despite the rain. I’ve had another breathless-with-deadlines time of it but I *think* I’m there with everything, fingers crossed!
Now we must get on and see what’s been going on since last Sunday…
My kettle broke this week. Bleary eyed one morning I staggered into the kitchen, picked it up to take it to the sink, pulled the knob on the lid to open it when, to quote the title of a Louise Rennison book, “And That’s When It Fell Off In My Hand”.
I could have just boiled a saucepan of water for tea but no thank you. When tired and parched I will absolutely choose the difficult path, so I made my first morning cup by filling the kettle through the spout, angling a narrow stream of of water from the tap right up it, thinking “TAKE THAT, SECONDARY SCHOOL SCIENCE TEACHER WHO SAID I LACKED LOGICAL THINKING AND SCIENTIFIC PROBLEM SOLVING SKILLS!”
Then, but minutes later, I burned myself on steam coming through the tiny screw hole on the lid where the knob used to be.
Last weekend I spent Saturday driving to, appearing at and driving back from the Wantage Children’s Book Festival. It was SUCH fun! It was also nice to spend the drive weaving through honey coloured Cotswold villages, all adorned with tumbling roses, whilst listening to The Light Years.1 (Heaven!)
On the way back I called into the Burford Garden Co. and what a treat! I looked at lots of lovely things with my eyes and my hands and came away with a ruddy great big geranium and an olive oil soap in the shape of a lemon.
Since then I’ve been sniffing that soap every few mins. It’s delicious. Curiously, it doesn’t smell of lemons, but rather of… well, I can only describe the smell as being “Of Marrakesh.” Whatever the scent is it’s created a Proustian response in me and each sniff has taken me straight back to a hot summer twenty years ago.
I went to Marrakesh straight after uni and fell in love with the place. I stopped in a little riad run by a couple of Parisian women and their Moroccan friend who was the chef (the food! Incredible!). In the garden, next to the turquoise plunge pool there was a large flower bed alive with bees and, promenading around it- an ever expanding collection of tortoises. Apparently, word has got about that the owners of the house couldn’t turn down a tortoise and so children (finding the creatures bought by tourists and then abandoned) would arrive at the front door, at all hours - day and night- with a new addition for the flower bed.
Whilst sniffing the soap and reminiscing this week, I also remembered other sights and sounds of the city - the vivid colours, the carpets, the mint tea, THAT blue and also, and most importantly, how in the main square one day I was tapped on the shoulder and asked very politely: “Hello, would you like to see my monkeys?”
Just to add here for anyone considering kidnapping me, or luring me into a trap - that one sentence is absolutely the way to go about it.
I also remembered going for dinner in a restaurant there one night. There was a group of musicians playing traditional music. The food and the atmosphere were terrific, but the evening reached new heights when suddenly a very cheerful elderly woman appeared from the kitchen with a steaming silver teapot that was half the size of her, balanced on her head. She then performed a bellyish sort of dance and then poured us our mint tea FROM! HER! HEAD! TEAPOT!
I’ve thought about her A LOT this week, wondering how long it took her to perfect that skill and how long it would take me to do it. Then I thought about my broken kettle. I bet her head teapot didn’t have to be filled by angling the tap up its spout because the knob came off in her hand.
I sighed.
That woman had a working kettle, a head teapot, could belly dance AND was mere metres away from a man who could show her some monkeys at a moment’s notice.
Sometimes it’s very hard not to be envious of people living your dreams, it really is…
Talking of monkeys, my middle nephew got a new job this week with a company that runs adventure/daredevil outdoor pursuits in forests.
From what I understand the interview took about four hours and seems to have consisted of him being asked “AND WHY DO YOU THINK YOU’D BE A GOOD FIT FOR OUR COMPANY?” by a team member shouting up from the ground whilst my nephew hollered his answer down from where he was standing ,which was strapped into a harness on a branch 40ft up an oak tree.
One night this week at nearly midnight, my phone went and my mother’s name was flashing on the screen. Getting a call from your parents at that time of night makes you instantly think to yourself “Oh God, this is the start of an episode of 999 with Michael Buerk!”
Heart thumping, I answered: “What’s happened!? Are you alright?”
Muv: There’s a frog in the kitchen.
Me: WHAT?
Muv: There’s a frog in the kitchen. I opened the back door to let the dogs out for a pee and it was on the doorstep and… er… and, well, now it is in the house.
Me: ???
Also Me: Well, get it out!
Muv: I can’t. It won’t let me catch it!
Me: What are the dogs doing?
Muv: Side-eyeing it from the other room.
[At this point I hear a clattering sound down the line.]
Me: What’s that noise?
Muv: Oh, that’s some of my Tupperware.
Me:???
Also Me: What is your Tupperware doing?
Muv: Well, I couldn’t catch the frog so I’ve put a Tupperware bowl over it to protect it from the dogs and now the frog is jumping about all over the place with the Tupperware bowl on its head…
Me: [HEAVY SIGH]
Also Me: Where’s Farv?
Muv: I’ve just phoned him.
Me: It’s midnight! Where is he?
Muv: [casual] Down the bottom of the garden looking at some foxes by torchlight.
[At this point I heard my father arrive back and he was informed as to why there was a frog wearing a Tupperware fascinator doing a rhythmic gymnastic routine at midnight in their kitchen.]
[MUFFLED CHAOS]
Muv: Oh! Farv’s taken it out to the pond now. Anyway, just thought you’d want to know! Sleep well!
[Phone Down]
When I tell you I didn’t get to sleep that night until 4am…
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if it’s not one thing, it’s my mother.2
(I am exhausted).
And after all that I think we MUST start our JOY PARADE…
1. As per we started with our BEHOLDING! and EXCLAIMING!
Despite the bouts of Weather, it’s been a marvellous week for things to look at and enjoy.
Firstly LOOK! There were moments of blue sky and white clouds! They appeared for a nanosecond but they appeared nevertheless and ought to be celebrated.
Now get your eyeballs right on these catkins!
Tumbling one on top of another and you’ll never guess where! In the car park of an M&S petrol station, EXCUSE ME!
And look at these yellow flowers!
Aren’t they terrific against the silvered wood of the shed? Got my eyebrows waggling every time I walked by them.
The lane here has suddenly turned v. prehistoric with vast ferns growing high above the road in banks and in the hedgerows
Adds a sort of “Is there a Stegosaurus around that corner?” thrill to dog walks.
Now TURN YOUR EYEBALLS IMMEDIATELY UPON THIS SCENE!
A rainbow plunging into the copse!
Moments later, when I went out the front of the house, I saw the other end of it nestled in a grassy verge at the bottom of the valley.
Then something in the near distance down the track caught my eye - a hare! It was a young adult with tall ears, long legs and eyes that were large and curious with a hint of magic. We looked at each other before it sauntered away. After this three beautiful pheasants appeared , iridescent feathers gleaming, and I thought “Ok, everyone needs to just calm down…”
2. I’m dipping in and out of Apple Of My Eye by Helene Hanff at the moment and it’s just wonderful.
It’s the 1970s and Helene has been commissioned to write the copy for a book of photography of Manhattan. It’s only when she agrees to do it does she realise that despite living on the island her entire adult life she has seen nothing, been nowhere and has no clue about anything which couldn’t be more of an Alex T Smith move if it tried.
Like when I was reading her Letter From New York book it’s making me yearn for a time when you had to call friends to organise things, look addresses and numbers up in the phone book, and agree to meet a pal at a set time and place and hope they remembered and turned up.
3. I’ve been having a really good look at the illustrator and artist Maira Kalman this week, sparked by reorganising a bookshelf and remember I have this book:
The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas by Gertrude Stein
Isn’t Maira’s work glorious? So painterly and alive.
AND THE COLOURS!
And these hats from one of her books, My Favourite Things! TERRIF!
More here!
4. Earlier this year, America had Bad Bunny at the Super Bowl (which we all loved) but, and I hate to say it, we’ve outdone them here in the UK.
Last weekend we had cruise-singer turned national treasure, Jane McDonald performing at Mighty Hoopla in London.
Just life- enhancing joy from her cruise-ship -pulled-by-nice-gentlemen-in-sailor-suits entrance to the last roaring applause. Here she is performing Raye’s Where The Hell Is My Husband?
“AY-UP JANE, YER ‘USBAND’S COMING”❤️
(Naturally I wasn’t there in person because crowds and insufficient places to have a nice sit down? No thank you.)
5. “Darling, I’ve lost my embroidery needle- do flick on the grape light…”
Available here!
6. This is utterly GLORIOUS - the cheering effect of introducing hens to care homes!
Naturally, these are other people’s hens and not MY hens and you can tell because the woman at the beginning says “Well, they make me feel calm…”
If MY girls were there they would be breaking into the medicine cabinets, selling the contents on the black market, and chain smoking near anyone with respiratory problems on purpose.
7. Talking of hens. This picture has FLOORED me.
8. This zingy blue gate set into that wall with THOSE hedges all around and trees standing in the background like nightclub bouncers - stopped me in my tracks the other day. Had to crash the car into a verge and Usain Bolt-it across the road to take this pic.
Also, nearby: COWS!
9. Ed People travels the world and gets people to teach him their favourite dances and the results are just brilliant. Here’s a compilation of moves from India.
If anyone can identify the song from the Kannada Village Dance clip do let me know!
10. I think this mug would be perfect for a very early morning cup of tea sitting on your back step listening to the dawn chorus.
11. Dawn Chorus would be a good name for a drag queen. She would arrive on stage dressed as a seven foot tall crow and scream at people and I’d pay money to see it.
12. Please allow me to introduce you to Cordell Jackson, aka The Rock N Roll Granny.
13. This fashionable parrot by Alison Jay THRILLS me.
Original painting available here.
14. I guarantee in your whole life you would never think of this pairing but my God what a duet!
15. Would you LOOK at these absolutely fantastic (and luxurious) bird houses!
16. I have become fixated on this book - INCOMPLETE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF TOUCH by Erik Kessels.
Just page after page of collected vintage snapshots of people touching things - curtains, cars, their skirts, tanks.
V. funny but also oddly er… touching!
17. Absolutely nothing- NOTHING! - will prepare you for when Animal starts singing…
18. LOL
19. This basket would be terrific for picnics OR Brambly Hedge mouse cosplay which, as regular readers here know, we are VIOLENTLY keen on.
Available here.
20. Please take a moment to close your eyes and rest them briefly so that when you open them again you can really just revel in the glory and majesty of Mollie Sugden as Miss Slocombe dressed as Dolly Parton.
LIFE ALTERING.
FINALLY…
As always, we bring the JOY PARADE to a close with a song, and what else could it be this week but - JUNE IS BUSTIN’ OUT ALL OVER! from the 1956 musical, CAROUSEL.
So much to enjoy here but for me it’s another fabulous example of, as we’ve discussed previously, films in the 1950s forcing the current hairstyles of the day onto the costuming of a much earlier time. It’s one of my favourite things ever.
Here we have Barbara Ruick in the role of Julie Jordan sporting what I’m calling “The Queen Elizabeth the II Mullet”…
BALMORAL AT THE FRONT. HOEDOWN AT THE BACK.
Thank you for reading this week’s JOY PARADE.
I hope you have a lovely Sunday. What are you all up to? I’m going to see one of my dearest pals performing in a show. She’s wearing QUITE a wig in it so I’m terrifically excited to see that.
I’ll be back next Sunday with JOY PARADE No.46. In the meantime, if you’ve enjoyed this JOY PARADE I would simply adore it if you were to prod the heart button ❤️ below and do please follow me on Instagram (I’m mralextsmith over there) and also subscribe to and share this newsletter to all your chums.
Thank you so much!
In Tearing Haste,
HEAD PIGEON.
My friend ML and I are listening to the audiobook together despite being 600 miles apart and we keep texting each other about it like we are gossiping about real people we know.
This woman is a retired headteacher and the other week was in charge of crowd management and safety for an outdoor theatre production.
The Joy Parade has fast become a glimmer of my week but today was an extra special joy as my 5 year old daughter asked me to read it allowed to her and it was accompanied by much gasping and giggling and now she’d like to have it read to her each week like the Queen that she is 💖
you keep me believing
thank you for being a most magical soul and sharing it all with us