JOY PARADE No.26
PRESENTING... *THE PENGUIN CABARET THEATRE!* Dangly Chicken Earrings! Music for Lederhosen Themed Burlesque Shows!
Pssst! If you are reading this via an email, the JOY PARADE might be a smidge too long for you to see all of it. If so, just click the title and it’ll take you to where you can read the whole thing with your eyeballs online!
OH HELLO!
Well, I’m worn out before I start. The weeks seem to be getting shorter but with more and more things to do in fewer and fewer hours.
So what have I been up to this week? Well, besides from work (DEADLINES!) and Christmas decs (more on those below) I’ve been to the cinema. TWICE!
Firstly, I went to see the new Knives Out film, WAKE UP DEAD MAN.
It was so great. Beautifully shot with a thrilling story and Josh O’Connor and Glenn Close were both SUPERB. I love Glenn C. I’m fascinated by her face - it’s all cheekbones and arched brows and PIERCING eyes. Also in this film she has a chignon so naturally I was immediately invested in her character.
(Also, I can’t tell you how often I think about the fact she once played a character called Albert Nobbs. I think if I were to ever get a cockerel that would be the name I’d give him.)
At the cinema that night I was sat in front of an older couple who arrived just as the film started. Both took off their shoes AND SOCKS(!), spent ten mins working out how to get their seats to recline and then talked CONSTANTLY through out.
An example:
Him: WHO’S THAT?
Her: JOSH O’CONNOR
Him: WHO?
Her: PRINCE CHARLES IN THAT QUEEN PROGRAMME.
Him: WHAT’S HE DRESSED AS A PRIEST FOR?
Her: COS HE’S A PRIEST
Him: IS HE?
Her: IN THIS HE IS I THINK… OOH LOOK! THAT PERSON’S DEAD!
Reader, I loved them.
The second trip to the flicks was to see Zootropolis/Zootopia 2: Electric Boogaloo. This time I had The Trilogy of Nephs with me so of course it was like herding a gang of weasels.
Before it started I was at the counter paying for roughly 10 tonnes of sweets and turned around to find Little Neph (11) had been zipped into his coat back to front by his brothers (20 and 17) and had his hood over his face.
Eventually, I got the chimps into their seats and the film began. Oh! It’s SO good- fabulously inventive, funny, wonderfully animated and with a story full of excitement and heart and with a very timely message. TERRIF!
Other things I’ve done this week:
I made a great roasted broc. and cauliflower cheese which I ate like I’d never encountered food before.
Had the PA RUM-PA-PUM-PUM! bit from The Little Drummer Boy carol stuck in my head.
Burnt my mouth on a quiche and my finger on a hot glue gun
Did some online Christmas shopping at 3am because it’s the only time I get a moment of peace around here.
Found myself about to put a block of cheese into the dishwasher instead of back in the fridge. (Because I’m tired NOT as some people - The Nephs - suggested because I’m old…)
Oh - also one of my kitchen cupboards has developed a creaking hinge that sounds but *exactly* like Frankie Howerd when he was alarmed by something happening in the forum.
So that’s been my week. And now we MUST get on with this week’s JOY PARADE…
Now, we traditionally begin with some BEHOLDING! and EXCLAIMING! but this week we are diverting from that because CHRISTMAS HAS ARRIVED IN MY FRONT GARDEN!
Presenting… THE PENGUIN CABARET THEATRE!
A towering tree! Giant baubles! Enormous paper chains! Gold stars! RIBBONS! A swagged theatre curtain!
All of this (besides the baubles and tree) is made by me. I wanted the porch to look like a 1920s nightclub stage (but for penguins) or like something the Little Women would built to perform one of their plays. When it comes to Christmas decorations I’m FIRMLY in the more is more camp (and the camper the better) and I also need things to be a bit crafty and handmade.
So - the giant stars are foam board covered in gold, metallic sticky-backed plastic which made me swear a lot because most of the time it was me who was covered in it not the stars.
The glittery foil curtains were cut into shape in the middle of a howling gale (wouldn’t reco.)
The paper chains I made last year and are actually made from those sheets of glittery craft foam so they are waterproof.
Making the curtain swags took more mathematics than I expected or enjoyed and to be honest with you I’m traumatised by that so we won’t be talking any more about it.
But it’s all come together! Hurrah! Now I just want some snow to finish it all off…
Ernie Wise would have been 100 years old on November 27th. Let’s have some of him and Eric M, accompanied by a ventriloquist’s dummy.
(You might have to click the video for it to play)
(My grandad Sid was a marvellous man for many reasons but one of the best things about him was that it was like having my own personal Eric Morecambe - just non stop arsing about and shenanigans)
I have become obsessed to the point of actual fixation with the thought of owning these earrings.
IMAGE: Oliver Bonas.
Just imagine it: it’s Christmas Day and one of these gold chickens is dangling from my earlobe, glittering in the candlelight, as I fire up an electric meat carving knife to slice the gravy I’ve made. STUNNING!
I was thrilled to the point of almost fainting with joy this week when the postman delivered a copy of this beautiful book - a gift from the wonderful Lucy and Rebecca Clayton.
THE BOOK OF DREAMS!
I first got to know Lucy through her marvellous podcast, Dress Fancy - an exploration into the history of fancy dress or a “fashion history lesson, fired from a confetti cannon”. It’s SUCH fun (and I pop up with some Opinions on a couple of eps!)
Lucy, along with her mother, Rebecca, now run The Kensington Dollshouse Company creating the most incredible bespoke miniature interiors for all manner of tiny houses.
Lucy is one of the most stylish and creative people I’ve ever encountered, with a jewel box of a (human sized home) and a shimmering enthusiasm for An Occasion. She’s also an expert at finding the fun, and the World Book Day outfits she creates for her daughter, Bunny, are Met Gala worthy. And so, of course, it’s no surprise that the work she and her mum create for these little houses is magical. Honestly - you have never seen anything like them…
Endlessly inventive, thoroughly enchanting, wonderfully eccentric in the best way and full of exquisite details that makes you want to shrink down to Mrs Pepperpot size and move in immediately.
You can get a copy of the book here.
(Would make a marvellous present. Perfect for reading on the sofa on Boxing Day morning!)
Talking of magical houses - human sized ones this time - here’s Richard E Grant’s magnificent home. I think I may have shared some of this before but -FIGHT ME! - I’m sharing again. It’s so terrifically bonkers and brilliant AND Christmassy.
And a faded, old fashioned theatre set (from the movie Saltburn!) in the garden? ABSOLUTELY IDEAL.
Handmade crocheted FISHMAS wreath! So SPLENDID!
IMAGE: Kate Jenkins.
Last weekend I traveled to Kenilworth Books to sign a lot of my books for them. I was accompanied by one of my dogs (Elvis Potato) who was dressed for the occasion and was absolutely DRUNK on the attention that he was given by strangers.
When we got home he slept for 4 hours solid hours. 
Am terrifically keen on the work of Scott Csoke. Especially this one called “Gay Dog (Limp Wrist)” from 2022.
Miss Piggy once again proving to be my biggest lifestyle inspiration.
Last week we had Dolly Parton’s Jolene as you’d never heard it before. Now it’s time for The Stripper.
(The perfect soundtrack for a lederhosen themed burlesque show.)
Now, do you remember the penguins in my window from The Penguin Oompah Band who are performing for the Christmas season outside the front of my house in The Penguin Cabaret Theatre? Well, they are actually from one of my Christmas books - specifically the one called…
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS or GRANDMA IS OVERLY GENEROUS.
It’s my retelling of the famous carol. It starts off very familiarly but then things begin to take an increasingly bonkers turn.
And who IS this grandma and how is she getting her hands on these very generous but insane presents…? And what on EARTH has she got lined up for Day 12?
It’s out in small hardback format so it perfect for Christmas stockings.
If you’d like you can get a copy here as well as from all your favourite indie bookshops.
FINALLY…
We MUST finish with a song. It’s the rules around here.
This week we have Betty Grable in that classic snow day outfit - a skintight mini dress, fur hood and muff and shimmer tights, performing ‘Winter, Winter’ and ‘Pretty Baby’ from the 1943 musical, Coney Island.
GLORIOUS!
(My dogs are absolutely sick to the back teeth of me singing Pretty Baby at them 24/7)
Thank you for reading this week’s JOY PARADE.
I hope you have a lovely Sunday. I’m going to be finishing off putting up the decorations on the INSIDE of my house. I’ll show you them next week. I also have to organise a removal firm to collect an antique display cabinet I’ve bought that is too big for me to fit in my car because I have absolutely no spacial awareness.
I’ll be back next week with JOY PARADE No.27. In the meantime, if you’ve enjoyed this JOY PARADE I would simply adore it if you were to hit the heart button ❤️ below and do please follow me on Instagram (I’m @mralextsmith over there) and also subscribe to and share this newsletter to all your chums.
Thank you so much!
HEAD PIGEON.
Drinking in the Joy you spread with your posts. I feel I need to start decorating my house and bring some cheer to it. Always an inspiration and will definitely be seeking out your new book.
I can't even find words for the fabulosity of your decorations!
And you MUST buy the earrings, because you could start a new tradition of using the spare one (if you don't have both ears pierced) instead of a sixpence in your Christmas pudding!