JOY PARADE No. 27
Plum Pudding at the Chiropractors! Clare Balding in the role of Princess Diana! Knit Your Own Penguin!
Pssst! If you are reading this via an email, the JOY PARADE might be a smidge too long for you to see all of it. If so, just click the title and it’ll take you to where you can read the whole thing with your eyeballs online!
OH HELLO!
Blimey! This has been another busy week hasn’t it? And I must apologise because this week’s JOY PARADE is going to be a smidge shorter than usual because of the aforementioned busyness. I’m also in my Time Machine writing this because when I’d usually be writing this newsletter I’ll actually be off Jaunting. More on that next week…
Now, what have I been up to since we last spoke? Well, I’ve done both everything and nothing. I’ve not been anywhere exciting or seen anything very thrilling, instead I’ve been holed up at home, working. Is anyone else finding it incredibly difficult to work at their usual speed? I am so slow at the moment and every job I tick off seems to spawn about 15 more.
One EXCELLENT thing that happened this week was that I went to the chiropractor for my monthly back snapping session. I was sitting in the waiting room when an elderly man, beautifully dressed (paisley silk scarf, cashmere overcoat, knife sharp pleat in slacks) marched into the building and announced in a plum pudding voice and at a vol. than nearly sent the pile of Good Housekeeping and Nat. Geo mags flying across the room: “I NEED MY TOE NAILS CUTTING”.
Well, none of us knew what to say because as much as I like my chiropractor, she is definitely more at home body-slamming a spine than ferreting around someone’s feet with some clippers.
Then we realised. He was after the chiropodist upstairs…
Another thing I have done this week is marvel at the audacity of a delivery driver who has twice “attempted to deliver” a parcel to me and found I was “unfortunately not in”.
What’s amazing about both those statements is that I HAVE been in, and not only that, I’ve been standing in the room beside the front door with three dogs like coiled springs beside me who like nothing more than gobbing off at full vol. if anyone even THINKS about approaching the front gate…And yet they’ve been silent. VERY SUSPICIOUS.
I’m thinking of taking up residence on the porch in a rocking chair like the grandmother from The Beverly Hillbillies except I’ll be armed with a catapult and mince pie…
Right, that’s enough of all that. We MUST start our Joy Parade…
We usually do some BEHOLDING! and EXCLAIMING! at some nature at this point, but I’m afraid the only nature I’ve looked at this week has been my Christmas tree and that’s not even a real tree.
But it IS up (finally) and CHRISTMAS has arrived INSIDE my house. (You can see the fever dream that is the outside of my gaff in last week’s newsletter).
And so here we are! TA DAH!
My tree is adorned with heaps of baubles. Many of them vintage. Some were my grandparents. Some were the ones we had growing up - 1970s and 80s Santas etc, and some I’ve picked up along the way.
I try to get at least one new bauble each year - usually from Liberty because I like the danger element of someone incredibly clumsy (me) wandering around the very tightly rammed Christmas floor surrounded by very delicate baubles. The one I bring home each year feels like an award.
Naturally, Princess Diana (played here by Clare Balding) makes an appearance...
Amongst all the treasures on my tree are two extra special ones.
This was made last year by my very dear little friend, E. She was at nursery then but now is absolutely bossing Reception class like the icon that she is…
And this Father Christmas was made for me many years ago by my Godson when he was tiny. He’s now a teenager with 2 metre long legs.
It’s always the first decoration I put on the tree every year. Although this time I didn’t attach Santa by a bulldog clip to his crotch as has been my usual practice.
And here are the mantle pieces.
The garlands (also artificial) are held in place by truly some of the most insane Alex T Smith engineering and if they survive in place until 12th night we’ll be lucky.
The paper chains are by Cambridge Imprint and the stockings are empty because I have done next to no Christmas shopping yet.
But I have to say I am pleased to have it all up finally. There is something so lovely about glittering baubles and candles. It takes me back to being a child and going to sit by the tree in a room lit only by the glow of the fairy lights. I remember so clearly feeling tiny and the tree seeming enormous - like the bit in The Nutcracker when they shrink. Lovely!
Christmas is a season of ghosts and ghost stories and I find this illustration, Spectators by Reginald E. Higgins (1924), so beguiling.
Big fan of her in the blue frock havin’ a fag on the stairs. Hope she has half a kebab in her handbag.
Not Christmassy at all, but I’ve been watching Alan Carr’s semi-autobiographical sitcom, Changing Ends and I love it.
It’s SO good - very funny and, surprisingly, very moving. It’s also full of heart-panging nostalgia for anyone who grew up in the late 80s. Oliver Savell who plays young Alan is out of this world fantastic. A totally uncanny performance!
You can get your eyeballs on it all here.
This knitted, cuddly Dodo is adorable and would make an excellent present for a small human person in your life. How dashing it would look with a velvet bow tied rakishly at its neck!
IMAGE: Museum of Natural History Shop
Available here
If you want to be twins with me and have the same (currently empty) Christmas stockings adorning your fireplace. You can get matching ones here
IMAGE: NPG Shop
I thoroughly enjoyed this walk through a 1920s Christmas where absolutely everything in the house was flammable.
Adorable kitty chopstick rests!
IMAGE: Berylune.
Available here
I’ve got one more week of work to get through before my Christmas break begins. I’m already excited about the naps I’m going to have!
I found this photo on Pinterest and it’s an IDEAL place for a festive nap…
FINALLY…
Now, as is tradition we MUST finish with a song and this week I’m afraid to say it’s going to be Cilla.
Cilla Black - with her voice like someone brushing a cat backwards with a cheese grater.
Here she is performing “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)”.
BRACE YOURSELVES.
Thank you for reading this week’s JOY PARADE.
I hope you have a lovely Sunday. I’ll be just back from my Jaunting adventure and will be madly sticking stamps on my Christmas cards so I can race to the post with them first thing on Monday. WHY do I always leave it so late? WHEN will I learn?
I’ll be back next week with JOY PARADE No.28. It’ll be our last one before Christmas! In the meantime, if you’ve enjoyed this JOY PARADE I would simply adore it if you were to hit the heart button ❤️ below and do please follow me on Instagram (I’m @mralextsmith over there) and also subscribe to and share this newsletter to all your chums.
Thank you so much!
HEAD PIGEON.
Your Christmas decorations look amazing! Full of joy. And thanks for the link to my 1920s Christmas piece. I love the chopsticks rests too.
Feeling exactly like you, re: workload! Doing one job seems to sprout 10 more, just like Gremlins when they get wet!